My Spiritual Journey

I want to share the incredible journey that has brought me to where I am.

My birth is a very strange mixture of East and West (India and Europe), and my path has been a very strange mix of these two as well, ultimately merging the transcendent mysticism of the East with the Divine Feminine Sophia of the West, which are truly the two paths of my heart.

Of course our journeys go back many lifetimes, and we can see those lifetimes in meditation.

I started meditating as a child, when my spiritual teacher found me, though I had been meditating in that lineage for lifetimes. He is from a very ancient lineage of spirituality in India, though the mystical technique is universal and doesn’t belong to any religion, culture, or ism; rather it is the perennial, esoteric kernel of universal mysticism. There are two aspects to spirituality and religion: the exoteric, which is the external, and the esoteric, which is the internal, gnostic aspect, and all religions contain both, if you search.

The sacred Initiation into Surat Shabd yoga–or Inner Light and Sound meditation–opened my inner eye and inner ear to hear the inner sacred Sound (the Nad) and see the sacred inner Light within me, which is not different from any mystical path which teaches that our body is the microcosm, and the macrocosm (the entire cosmos) lies within each of us.

As the law of Hermetics states, “As above, so below.”

the creatrix

We are holographic, and within each of us is the entire universe and all of the Divine creation. Through meditation, we can access all of it. The process of death is simply the process of the soul leaving the body, but we are not supposed to wait until death to learn that process. We can learn to leave the body while living, by leaving the body consciousness and rising above it, all via the third eye and the process of concentration.

crescendo of the heart

We have various bodies, each of which is a vehicle to travel through inner worlds: we have the physical body to live in the physical plane; the astral body to travel in the astral realm; the causal/mental body to travel in the causal realm, and there are higher soul bodies beyond that. So, focusing our attention at the third eye using specific mystical techniques, we can penetrate through these veils of matter to reach realms of pure light, bliss, consciousness, and beautiful sounds/music as well. I am sure that the great musicians heard the sounds and music of the inner planes when they composed.

Being a musician myself, my favorite part of the Initiation was the connection to this beautiful Sound, the Divine Music of the Cosmos, which is called the Anhata Shabda, or Unstruck Sound, the music which is self-created and eternal, in the higher realms, as opposed to the “Struck” sounds of this world. Of course, all spiritual paths refer to this cosmic sound, but usually in hidden terms. (Please read my blog about this under Indian Classical music).


I started meditating several hours a day in the mornings and evenings while going to school. When I would meditate, I would leave my body and  it was like I would receive downloads from higher realms. It is still my favourite thing to do. Then, at age 19, while studying Art History and  literature in University, I decided to go to India to meditate intensely at the ashram with my teacher. It was a profound and deeply cleansing experience; one experiences the highest bliss and also the deepest shadow self and purification.


all of these ethereal white paintings are by andrew a gonzalez, used with permission.

My teacher was very powerful and loving, and he actually was able to transform some demons into angels. Oh yes, I have seen many different sort of entities and exorcisms directly, inward and outwardly. He explained to us that in this dark time of the Kal yuga, or dark age, the 330 million angels which were created to serve mankind, were slowly being taken and transformed into demons, and our work and his work was to cleanse them and turn them back to their divine light self, through meditation and inner work.

william Blake

We used to meditate often 12 hours a day, because he said that in this dark time on Earth, meditation was the most important work, for in meditating on the Inner light, being connected to the Divine Source, we cleanse the higher realms of so many dark beings and energies, and the change will come on the lower physical realm only after the higher realms have been purified.

I was very clear that pretty much my work in this lifetime was meditation, and though it is undervalued and seen as some new-age woo-woo fluffy thing, it is the most important thing we can do now. Work to purify inner bodies and higher realms, and bring Paradise back to Earth.


My teacher told us that though we were in the midst of the Kal yuga, it was time soon to go into the Sat yuga, the Golden age, where the Earth would be purified of negativity, materialism, and darkness, and humans would again live as spiritual beings, in our natural state of spiritual sovereignty, with our divine powers:  communicating with telepathy, travelling via soul travel and astral travel, and that, when we are connected to our heavenly abode and divine self, angels would grow the crops, and the earth would be fertile again.

evelyn de morgan the light shineth in the darkness and the dakness comprehendeth it not

Paradise would come to earth. And, he told us clearly if all mothers lived in Nature and meditated with their babies, that paradise would come to earth immediately. (In my later studies in womb wisdom, I would come to see the incredible importance of the mother and the womb. It lays the foundation for literally everything.)

anima sublimis

Children are so pure and innocent and open to impressions, and if they are raised in a spiritual environment with meditation, they become saintly, divine beings,  totally  in touch with their divine powers, seeing, hearing, feeling, and understanding with the soul and higher self rather than the mind and fragmented, traumatized, wounded self. Humans can regain their  natural position as divine beings, endowed with healing ability and the natural ability to caretake and love the planet, as we are meant to do.

At that time in India,  I also studied Indian classical music, studying the tabla drums and Indian singing, which is a very sacred, deep art that can transform light into darkness and awaken the soul.

Sacred classical Indian music takes the soul to higher realms, and prepares and purifies it for the inner journey in meditation.

jindi tanpura

I received so much inner purification that I found it very hard to come back to the USA. Life seemed so shallow and materialistic and unbearable to me after being showered with so much love and divine energy and Light, and such deep connection with higher realms for up to 16 hours a day of meditation.  I didn’t want to continue living in the US, where I felt no connection to the ancient mysteries.


So,  I moved to Mexico, where I fell in love with the ancient beauty of the culture–another deeply spiritual, ancient culture– and I worked as a meditation missionary, whereby I taught meditation and sang devotional music throughout Latin America. I also was co-editor and writer of a newsletter on spiritual and natural health themes. I lived in the tiny artsy/poet/musician town of Guanajuato, which I completely fell in love with. It was my favorite place on Earth after the Himalayas, and I lived a totally spiritual life, only focused on soul, meditation, love, service, devotion, and being with Mother Earth.

I did not ever work for money, but in a non-profit organization, only for love, for devotion, from the heart.  I lived in a tiny room in this beautiful artsy town of Guanajuato, but I was so rich in spirit and very happy living in this ancient culture of wisdom. I felt more rich then than ever. True riches come from the soul, and, for me, they come from connecting to the true sacred grid of life, connected to ancient wisdom.

I felt very much at home in Mexico, and I later realized why, when I saw a past life regression as a medicine woman/shaman in Mexico. I was very happy, as I felt connected to Mother Earth and her great heart of love and compassion: la pacha mama.


My life in Mexico was very connected to the ancient mysteries, and  I learned all about the ancient spiritual civilizations and their connection to Mother Earth and deep knowledge which was sadly destroyed by the conquistadors. There is so much depth in the cosmic knowledge of the ancients, as well as deep psychological depth in the shamans and their techniques of soul retrieval, which is something that I practice regularly now.


I also spent time with a priestess  and therapist who had done work both with the shamans of Mexico and also with the Reichian psychotherapists, and she taught me deep psychotherapy based on Wilhelm Reich and Archetypal work based on Jung. My transformation was profound and I loved constantly learning more and more.

What I did realize is that transcendence and mysticism alone is not enough; one must go into deep psychological healing, trauma release, and soul retrieval to be whole and healthy. To be authentic and true to all of yourself and to do shadow work is very important.

I then spent a year in Xalapa, Veracruz, studying classical opera singing with an opera teacher, in a series of events that was truly synchronistic.

My time in Mexico came to an end and it was time to go back home to the beach in Los Angeles, to focus on my childhood love of arts: acting, classical opera singing, and dancing, and spending every free moment where I worked at the time, at the Bodhi Tree bookstore, as I was obsessed with truth and knowledge of all sorts, ancient and real. I heard a seminar there by a man who had been abducted as a child by the Illuminati/global elite, and traumatized into being a mind control slave. I learned about the terrible truth behind the global elite, and how they conspired with the Nazis to perfect their torture and trauma techniques, because when a person is traumatized enough, the personality splits into different parts (or becomes armored, as Wilhelm Reich would say), and people then become easy to control. There is a constant agenda now to control the masses using various forms of mind control and trauma; now I know why my guru was so firm in encouraging us to meditate and go inward as much as possible and live an ashram style life and be free from this false matrix which is poisoned in every way.

But I continued with my arts, and I have never been able to give up my love of performing arts, as I see this as part of the divine spiritual expression and healing as well.

However, no matter how much I am into arts, my soul self always must delve into deeper spiritual meaning, spiritual knowledge, and healing, likely because I am a 7 life path.

aa gonzalez

I began a journey into the psyche and deep healing with the study of the deep system of Heilkunst, a mix of dynamic medicine and spiritual psychology, based on the work of Dr. Wilhelm Reich, Rudolf Steiner, and the founder of homeopathy, Dr. Samuel Hahnemann.

Heilkunst is one of the least-appreciated but most profound and spiritual of the medical arts,  treating every trauma since birth in a reverse order, to remove all traumas.


And we studied about Wilhelm Reich and orgone. There is so much to be said about Reich’s knowledge of orgone, armor, character analysis, and how humanity could be free if it were not armored, and if children were not traumatized, not to mention, if Reich had not been killed for inventing a way to create rain and change the weather, all based on orgone energy…

This journey of Heilkunst was very intense, because I had to go through treatment of all of my timeline traumas of my life, in a reverse order, and then the miasms, which are genetically-inherited dispositions in the body/mind.

This journey took me throughout the world, including living for many months in Paris, France, a culture to which I always had a connection.

Jinder at arc chateau d'eau

My connection to France started early, as I started speaking French effortlessly in grade school, and studied it in college, then jumped at the opportunity to live in Paris as a yoga instructor. I later realized that I had many lives in Europe, during the Medieval times, Renaissance times, and I saw myself wearing a bustier as a Paris showgirl. (Later, when studying the womb path of Mary Magdalene, I would understand why France was so special).

On the other hand, I also had many lives in India, living in ashrams and meditating.

Our past lives live in us now, and they show up in our taste of music, how we dress, how we act, what we love, etc…the soul never dies, but the external coverings and the mind even change form, life after life. It is no wonder that I am a strange mix of spiritual yogi and Paris showgirl. All of those past lives converge into one present vortex of singularity.

I have always felt a dichotomy in me between these two parts, and tried to kill off one or the other, but now I happily accept this bizarre dichotomy in myself and know that I am a universal polarity paradox.

Anyway, I was living in  Paris on Rue Richelieu, across from the Louvre. It was quite beautiful, but I saw that modern Paris had forgotten the ancient goddess wisdom there, or had been taken over by the dark elite forces which harness the intense goddess symbols for negativity, for evil dark power. But the forces of Light are always present, if not hidden.

notre dame

at the notre dame cathedral. There is so much sacred symbolism in Gothic architecture!

There is so much symbolism in Parisian architecture that is totally Goddess-oriented, that is deeply esoteric and sacred. I started a meditation group there in my apartment, in the middle of Paris, and had regular meditation groups there. I made some friends there with whom I shared a deep connection, eccentric artists of course.

outside the louvre museum at dusk

the louvre at dusk.

I will say that I did notice that the food in France is much fresher, due to the fact that their soil is richer and more mineralized: the quality of food is determined by the mineral content of the soil, and everything starts there. If soil is mineral rich, the food is mineral rich, and then we are healthy. My body felt amazing there. And of course there is a divine connection there to the sacred feminine, Mother Mary and Lourdes, and Mary Magdalene and the Cathars in L’Occitane.



I then  spent years immersed in spiritual healing techniques such as shamanic soul retrieval, etheric healing, Holodynamics , Inner Bonding, and both Western and Vedic Astrology. These gave me tremendous tools to deal with any sort of energy blockage or soul or emotional issue that comes up for myself or others, as well as a deeper understanding of the psyche. I know that humanity does not have to suffer. We are meant to  live in angelical consciousness, with paradise on Earth. I know it. It will come, eventually, once humans are ready to ascend and give up the old paradigm of separation and suffering.

kamehameha and hawaii from kamediaries blog

In 2008, I went to Kona, Hawaii to take Doreen Virtue’s Angel Therapy training. I had some very profound experiences in this land which was once connected to Lemuria. Goddess Pele was with me the entire time, speaking to me loudly and clearly and with so much divine love, with a motherly, nurturing love I could not fathom. I learned how to commune with various types of angels and my divine spirit guides, all the time. This helps a lot to rid the negative static in the mind; just tune in and ask the realm of light. It also gives me a constant sense of connection and love. Each time I leave Hawaii, I cry very deeply because I am leaving the motherland. I feel the pain of leaving Goddess Pele and her sacred land!

We Pulsatilla constitutions (in homeopathy) and mermaids want (and need)  to feel union, oneness, love, connection, and I have not been able to have that consistently with humans really– I feel SO much pain and loneliness around humans. But in the angelical realm, I am loved beyond belief, in SOO much blissful sweetness, ALL the time.

unio mistica

And,  angels and inner masters have nothing but unconditional love and compassion. And I  know that we humans must learn to live on that wavelength. We truly are beings of bliss and oneness. We were never meant to be separate, in our crazy minds.

I always loved angels, and had my home covered with the art of angels and goddesses, which I later understood when I learned how to really listen to them and hear them, for they speak to all of us all the time through our intuition which manifests as clairsentience, clairvoyance, clairaudience, and claircognizance.


The great seer Rudolf Steiner says clearly that the human race is at a crossroads now: it will either learn to connect to angels, or it will be destroyed. It is our destiny to connect to angelical consciousness, for we all have angels with us if we only learn to listen. Their voice is called our intuition, also known as the “clairs.”


I revisited Hawaii, a very sacred divine feminine vortex,  in 2011 and 2013,  to attend small  mermaid gatherings  created by William Mistele, author of the books called UNDINES and MERMAID WOMEN.  William is an esoteric voyager who communes with undines (mermaids) on the astral plane, and he invited a group of us there.

me and jess

jessamyn and i on our second hawaii  trip in 2014

I speak about in a blog called UNDINES: All About Being an Incarnated Mermaid.  (Please note: we are astral mermaids, in the astral body!! Not in the physical body with fins! Nobody wore mermaid tails, nor is this about entertainment.)

with bill and jess

me, william, and jessamyn in oahu at the first mer gathering in 2011.

My life changed greatly when I picked up a book called UNDINES by William Mistele. In it, he explains all about incarnated mermaids here on Earth. As I read it, I cried because for the first time in my life, I understood who I was and why I am the way I am.

william jacob baer nymph

I am a mermaid here on Earth. Everything about me, everything, can be understood in the context of my mermaidness….


in oahu. photo by William.

William has a specific  job on Earth, that of a mermaid greeter, and his job is to help us mermaids on Earth to understand ourselves, and to find each other as well.

I am so grateful for him and for this understanding, about which I blog quite a bit.

Of course mer-beings can be a mix of incarnated angels, fairies, or other realms like starseed, etc.

ebj mermaid with her offspring                      .

What I will say is that true mer-beings (there are mermen too) are extremely hyper sensitive and empathic, because our astral body is all water. The element of astral water is magnetic, empathic, deep feeling, healing, mothering, and also naturally sensual, and true mers  in their element live to  love and to heal and to bring the water element to humans.  (caution: I have seen that true watery, empathic mers also attract predators and narcissists, as Doreen Virtue has explained and as I have experienced and seen repeatedly).

beach long hair

in oahu. photo by William.

William explains in his book Undines that due to some power trips by a magician in Atlantis, the human race was no longer allowed access to the water (empathy) element, because they misused it…but if humans don’t learn to integrate and use the element of water and empathy, it will quickly destroy itself.

in oahu, photo by William.

Although I was raised in the patriarchal path of Eastern mysticism with its masculine mode of transcendence and out of body consciousness, I also have been made aware of the conspiracy (and reality!)  to hide, suppress, repress, and oppress the Divine Feminine (and Divine Masculine!), both of  whom are so very much needed on Earth now.

ebj pygmalion image 4 the soul attains ideal

I believe that the new era that is coming will be a unique fusion of spiritual transcendence and the Divine Feminine Sophia, who is going to come back to bless Earth and rid the old patriarchal dominator paradigm. (please read Riane Eisler’s book The Chalice and the Blade for details on the history of the Goddess and the dominator paradigm).


One of the ancient forms of divine feminine spirituality is Womb Shamanism, or the path of womb wisdom and the divine feminine. In 2013, I completed 7 months of a 9-month  training studying ancient womb wisdom, the path of hieros gamos, with Priestess of the Rose Line,  Anaiya Sophia.


I did not resonate so deeply with that lineage, so I then completed a 9-month teacher training in womb shamanism with Dr. Azra Bertrand and his wife Seren, with whom I felt resonance.

beata beatrix by dante gabriel rosetti

Azra granted me a full scholarship to study the program, as he recognized that it was my lineage. They explained that the true lineage of mermaids is the feminine Christ path, as handmaidens of Mary (both Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene). I then understood my own deep connection to Mother Mary so much better, and this path of spiritual-sensuality in its innocent form. This is truly a path to bring Paradise back to Earth and restore our natural connection to our feminine chakra system in the womb.


The womb is a feminine portal to higher realms of pure innocence and love, and Azra and Seren are bringing forth the blueprint for paradise and innocence, for humans to live in this beautiful state of love and the Divine feminine Christ consciousness, which the church has suppressed for millenia, especially when they slaughtered all of the Cathars in Southern France, who were practitioners of this divine innocent path.

This is deep womb work that humanity needs, because all are so traumatized one way or another and we have gone so far from that blueprint of being connected to the divine feminine and also Mother Earth.


Finally,  in 2016, I  completed a two-year  in-depth training in Algonquin shamanism with a native shamanic teacher. I feel very honored to have received the medicine rites from the Algonquin ancestors, and I can now take my clients on journeys into the deep subconscious to heal the deepest wounds and re-write soul agreements, which, as my shaman says, changes the stars.

ebj mermaid with her offspring

The next and most recent phase of my life revolved around this theme of empaths and narcissists/narcissistic abuse. I have personally seen how power is abused, on so many levels. I have been with gurus who are divine, truly loving and giving and very spiritual, and I have seen that power totally abused by dark psychopathic people/teachers who use fear (including threats, blackmail, black magic and other manipulations) to gain power over others, especially empathic ones.


I am sad to say that I have seen this in both males and females, Eastern and Western.  There are people out there who actually abuse others in the name of religion or spirituality, or love, or anything really. This is a form of narcissistic abuse, and I have experienced it not only one-on-one in my own life, but I have seen it in spiritual paths, with teachers, and I believe it is occurring on a mass global scale with global agendas.

evelyn de morgan aurora triumphans

Now is a dire time for us human/angel beings to take our power back and bring paradise to Earth. After experiencing years of narcissistic abuse, I also learned what causes it and how to cure the complex-ptsd that comes with it. Those of us who are sensitive empaths are very easy targets, but there are wonderful tools now to heal.


I hold the vision continually of what I know in my heart to be true: that paradise will come again on Earth, and we humans will regain our long-lost divine legacy as angelical beings, as divine beings, as the godly beings we are meant to be.

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